MadTV: The journal

And now for something completely different
I was prevailed upon to blog on the subject of my honorary "Zulu-hood" but that would be a huge post covering that most complex of subjects "Africa". I would seriously need to sit and ponder to be able to clarify my relationship with that continent to you, gentle reader. So while I mull this thorny issue over I have decided instead to treat you to "Murph ~ The Australian."

I lived in Australia for the better part of a year whilst wandering the globe and I grew to be very fond of this strange land. In all my travels I never met anyone more typical of the Aussie male (clichés and all) than Murph. If (as I hoped) I had been invited to do a lecture tour on the subject of my journey when I returned to Britain I would have wanted to use Murph as a demonstration model of Aussiedom. For any Australians reading this post I would first like to point out that, yes, I do understand that you are a cosmopolitan and sophisticated society blending many influences in a intelectually stimulating whole BUT you must admit that you too know a "Murph."
A few weeks after arriving in Sydney I procured a job with a restaurant called "Ribs & Rumps" in an area known as Manly. I was deeply fortunate both in job and area, Manly is the most fabulous place I've ever lived and the restaurant was a quite an experience. On day one I met lots of new people and as is normal in a new work place it was a blur. One of the things I couldn't help noticing though was that one of the chefs had the worst black eye I've ever seen. It was a huge purple mass covering the poor chap's whole eye socket and it was obvious that it would be quite a few days before he would be able to see anything out of it. I guess I should describe this chef so you have some kind of mental image of the fellow. He was maybe an inch or two shorter than myself (I'm about 5' 11" I think) and quite slight framed. He had a shock of unruly brown curls on his head and a smooth complexion. His good eye was a bright blue and he seemed a very cheery and smiley person, always joking and laughing with his kitchen work crew.

As chance would have it I had a chance to talk to this chef, who it transpired, was commonly known as "Murph" after work that very night whilst enjoying a post work beer. My curiosity overwhelmed me and I asked Murph how he had acquired such a prize shiner. So he told me this story (which I verified with others who were there):
Everyone from work was in the "Stein"(local pub) the night before, including Murph and the Zulu's (yes we had Zulu chefs, more on them another time) and everyone is having a fine old time.
Now I probably need to tell you about Maoris. The north shore of Sydney (of which Manly is part) has quite a high population of Maoris and other pacific islanders who have come to Australia for the good work prospects. Now, I do not know these people well but I have a few observations about them. 1. They tend be HUGE 2. They like beer 3. They don't seem to handle beer very well. Please remember that I only have the experience of the Maoris I saw out and about in Manly to go on. I have no other experience of them, so if my crass generalisations couldn't be further from the truth I do apologise. But anyway back to the story.
Whilst the group from work is stood drinking a Maori comes up to the Zulu chefs and begins to launch a verbal assault upon them (Why? I have no idea). He is calling them every name under the sun, seemingly in an attempt to provoke them. Murph sees this and his sense of fair play is offended (the Zulu guys were very peaceful and non aggressive) so he steps up to the Maori and says "Oi! What's your problem? They're blacker than you are so get over yourself and fuck off!" A shocked hush falls over the work mates as everyone waits for the inevitable outburst of violence. It doesn't happen; to everyone's surprise the Maori guy turns around and walks off. Eventually conversation returns to normal and everyone forgets about the odd incident. Until that is the end of the night comes round Everyone's left the pub except Murph and one last person who is in the loo. Murph is waiting for them to come out when around the corner who should arrive but the Maori. He sees Murph and strides up to him, draws back and lets fly, socking Murph right in the face. Murph rocks back then straightens and looks up at the Maori and says "you're a big fella, you can hit harder than that!" So the Maori winds up thumps Murph again. Murph rocks back again, straightens, looks up at the Maori and says "that was much better", turns, collects the straggler who has come out of the loo and leaves unmolested...

I said to Murph when told me this story "Why did you say that? You were basically saying hit me again?" He replied that he genuinely was surprised that the first punch hadn't been harder.

Gone Away
Great story, Mad - even if heard many times before. Murph's Ozzie accent adds a lot to it as well. I just love the fearless cheek of the guy. So typically Ozzie (it's a compliment, Ozzies). If Murph were a dog, he'd be a Bull Terrier... ;)
Date Added: 16/12/2004

I salute ya, Murph. Thas class.
Date Added: 16/12/2004

ah! Bar fights! I felt like I needed to go have 4 beers before I started reading 'bout ol' Murph. Sounds like an Aussie fellow that played softball with us yanks in Cairo -- always scuffling with the local unintelligentsia.

Surely reminds me of times past.
Date Added: 17/12/2004

Gone Away
Can't help but love 'em, the stereotypical Ozzie. And I shall steal that delightful word "unintelligentsia" if you don't mind, Josh.
Date Added: 17/12/2004

free gift cards code generator
Thanks for the information your article brings. I see the novelty of your writing, I will share it for everyone to read together. I look forward to reading many articles from you.
Date Added: 30/05/2018

youtube video downloader
this is nice article
Date Added: 29/09/2018

free gift card generator
This Is Really A Great Stuff For Sharing. Thanks For Sharing.
Date Added: 13/11/2018

Gainesville Window Tinting
Thanks for taking this opportunity to discuss this, I feel fervently about this and I like learning about this subject.
Date Added: 13/03/2020

newborn photography san diego
Tennessee whiskey
Date Added: 31/03/2021

fresno laser hair removal
art of hiding
Date Added: 06/04/2021

RC toy cars
I wanted to thank you for this great read!! I definitely enjoying every little bit of it I have you bookmarked to check out new stuff you post.

Date Added: 20/05/2021

The website is looking bit flashy and it catches the visitors eyes. Design is pretty simple and a good user friendly interface.

Date Added: 30/08/2021

Nice to read your article! I am looking forward to sharing your adventures and experiences.

Date Added: 31/08/2021

Keep up the good work , I read few posts on this web site and I conceive that your blog is very interesting and has sets of fantastic information.

Date Added: 03/09/2021

Great post I would like to thank you for the efforts you have made in writing this interesting and knowledgeable article.

Date Added: 13/09/2021

Great Article it its really informative and innovative keep us posted with new updates. its was really valuable. thanks a lot.

Date Added: 16/09/2021

Great content material and great layout. Your website deserves all of the positive feedback it’s been getting.

Date Added: 01/10/2021

This is highly information, crisp and clear. I think that everything has been described in systematic manner so that reader could get maximum information and learn many things.

Date Added: 05/10/2021

Nice knowledge gaining article. This post is really the best on this valuable topic.

Date Added: 07/10/2021

myloweslife employee login
Thanks for your insight for your fantastic posting. I’m glad I have taken the time to see this.

Date Added: 11/10/2021

Very nice article, I enjoyed reading your post, very nice share, I want to twit this to my followers. Thanks!.

Date Added: 11/10/2021

leiloes de imoveis
Hi! Thanks for the great information you have provided! You have touched on crucuial points!

Date Added: 21/10/2021

This is a good post. This post gives truly quality information. I’m definitely going to look into it. Really very useful tips are provided here. Thank you so much. Keep up the good works.

Date Added: 23/10/2021

custom laptop brands
Love to read it,Waiting For More new Update and I Already Read your Recent Post its Great Thanks.

Date Added: 26/10/2021

Roald Dahl Books
Thanks for this great post, i find it very interesting and very well thought out and put together. I look forward to reading your work in the future.

Date Added: 30/10/2021

6차 재난지원금
Thanks for this great post, i find it very interesting and very well thought out and put together. I look forward to reading your work in the future.

Date Added: 06/11/2021

profesyonel masaj
nice post, keep up with this interesting work. It really is good to know that this topic is being covered also on this web site so cheers for taking time to discuss this!

Date Added: 14/11/2021

대학생 대출
Very nice article, I enjoyed reading your post, very nice share, I want to twit this to my followers. Thanks!.

Date Added: 16/11/2021

대학생 대출
Very nice article, I enjoyed reading your post, very nice share, I want to twit this to my followers. Thanks!.

Date Added: 16/11/2021

pre-IPO Stocks
Keep up the good work , I read few posts on this web site and I conceive that your blog is very interesting and has sets of fantastic information.

Date Added: 19/11/2021

This was a really great contest and hopefully I can attend the next one. It was alot of fun and I really enjoyed myself..

Date Added: 22/11/2021

Walworth valves distributor
Thank you very much for this great post.

Date Added: 27/11/2021

Bathroom Supplies
If more people that write articles really concerned themselves with writing great content like you, more readers would be interested in their writings. Thank you for caring about your content.

Date Added: 01/12/2021

This is my first time i visit here. I found so many interesting stuff in your blog especially its discussion. From the tons of comments on your articles, I guess I am not the only one having all the enjoyment here! keep up the good work

Date Added: 19/12/2021

zinc for kids
Wonderful blog! I found it while surfing around on Yahoo News. Do you have any suggestions on how to get listed in Yahoo News? I’ve been trying for a while but I never seem to get there! Appreciate it.

Date Added: 21/12/2021

This is a truly good site post. Not too many people would actually, the way you just did. I am really impressed that there is so much information about this subject that have been uncovered and you’ve done your best, with so much class. If wanted to know more about green smoke reviews, than by all means come in and check our stuff.

Date Added: 23/01/2022
I really loved reading your blog. It was very well authored and easy to undertand. Unlike additional blogs I have read which are really not tht good. I also found your posts very interesting. In fact after reading, I had to go show it to my friend and he ejoyed it as well!

Date Added: 31/01/2022

all inclusivetulum hotel
Impressive web site, Distinguished feedback that I can tackle. I am moving forward and may apply to my current job as a pet sitter, which is very enjoyable, but I need to additional expand. Regards.

Date Added: 15/03/2022

Back to the main blog

Have your say

Name *

Comment *

Email *


Add comment

Copyright disclaimersXHTML 1.0CCS2RSS feed icon