Home 20/03/2006 Many years ago in England, I had occasion to visit my local pub with a friend named Richard. We had just sat down when Richard noticed someone he knew and called him over. They had not been talking long before I realized that they had known each other almost all their lives, from junior (elementary) school, in fact. Their conversation consisted mainly in catching up on the news from people they had known through their schooldays, all of whom still lived within a few miles of their original homes.All of a sudden, I felt rootless, adrift in a strange land and surrounded by strangers. I was in contact with no-one from my schooldays; I had email correspondence with a friend from university but even that was sporadic and subject to years of silence at times. Through Richard, I was seeing life as it is for most people: a community of friends who have grown together through the years, familiar faces in a familiar landscape.The first ten years of my life, I was in Cape Town, South Africa, and, when my family moved to Zimbabwe, all the friends from those years were lost to me. Through high school, I formed other friendships but most of these ended when we all went off to different universities or careers. The few friends that I had remaining were left behind when I moved to England, so that I found myself without a community of friends, alone in a way that is probably not normal to as social an animal as the human being.A feeling of desperate loneliness hit me in that pub as I listened to those two old friends talking. They did not know it, but they had something that was now forever barred to me.Yet the feeling did not last. To some extent at least, it was based upon a very idealistic view of a life that could not be mine. At first sight, it seemed that I was missing out on something comforting and secure but, on reflection, I realized that I had compensating experiences. I may not have known what it is to be part of a lifelong community, but I had friendships of shorter duration that were no less valid. And I had seen a bit more of life in other places, for whatever that is worth.In the end, it comes down to the meaning of "home". Richard may have been able to define the word as a combination of people and places, but I see now that "home" has much more to do with how we feel than with external things. Home is where we feel comfortable and secure, amongst those we love and who love us. The old saying is true: home is where the heart is. And, when we move, we take home with us.Modern life dictates that we move far more often than our parents or grandparents did. If we are to pursue a career, we must be prepared to move from one side of the country to the other. This is especially true in America, where corporations happily move their employees about as and when it suits the aims of the company. So we become people without roots and have to learn how to take home with us, relying increasingly on our family circle for comfort, rather than any wider community.We are complex creatures. It is hard to say whether this change in lifestyle will have good or bad effects on us. Perhaps it is merely a return to the nomadic existence that once was the lot of all humanity. Or it may be that we become something entirely new, a collection of interchangeable parts that can be assembled in any order to create society. It would be easy to take the old line of "Things ain't what they used to be"; that is always true, whether things be better or worse. I think that change is inevitable and we adapt and cope, even as we complain about it.So I am not against the increasing mobility of modern life; no doubt we lose some things through it but we also gain. It's just at times that a wave of homesickness might strike us; that, for a moment, we might be lost in memories of how things once were.Which brings to mind another old saying. You can't go home again.Technorati tags: Home; Friends.
Clive
Marti Many lives are transient these days, but allow me to offer another old saying, “Home is where the heart is.” I’m sure there are people who’ve lived in the same house, the same town, for many, many years, yet feel little or no connection. You certainly are dear to a lot of us “cyberfriends,” out in the Village of Blogosphere LOL Date Added: 20/03/2006
Gone Away Good point, Marti. Perhaps Internetville is where a lot of us find home these days. :) Date Added: 20/03/2006
Liz Strauss Clive, I've been walking and walking to get over here. I'm so glad today is the day that I arrived. This was just the Clive I came to read. I love the voice that runs through these thoughts on home. They are thoughts that I, too, have been having in my own way recently. Thank you, Clive, for writing this. Liz Date Added: 21/03/2006
Rachel Found you surfing through BlogExplosion... I enjoyed this post. I too have spent a lot of my years on the move, and logged a lot of hours thinking about the meaning of home and community. I do appreciate the way the internet and other modern conveniences allow us to build community across sometimes huge distances, but sometimes wonder if we're not missing something Date Added: 21/03/2006
Gone Away And thank you for your kind comments, Liz. It's always good to see you. :) Date Added: 21/03/2006
Gone Away Thank you, Rachel, and thank you too for your own blog - a haven of peace and calm in the fury of the blogosphere. Date Added: 21/03/2006
keeefer How right you are OLD friend :) I do wonder now that if/when i return to blighty if i will be able to settle. Can i be happy at 'home' having seen and experienced life in another country? I think the answer will be NO and this does not fill me with dread and horror. I want to travel, not just on holiday but live, breathe, experience and taste those other cultures(or lack of them). Sure there are times when i would happily gnaw off my own ankles to get home and spend a frivolous few nights drinking real beer in the company of my closest friends until; we slump unconcious into ashtrays full of dogends in a remote part of the UK, but could i go back.....for good???? I do not think so. Now im slapping your wrist for writing 'All of a sudden, I felt rootless, adrift in a strange land and surrounded by strangers.' Suddenly dear boy, suddenly! what is wrong with this word that we must increasingly use three to cover its meaning???? :) Date Added: 21/03/2006
Mad Since I first ventured out of Coventry's bounds I have lived in: Hemel Hempstead Watford Radlett Cricklewood, London Sydney, Australia Brighton Manchester London again and now I'm back in bloody Coventry. I have no idea where home is, when I foind out I'll let you know :D Date Added: 21/03/2006
Gone Away One gets tired of using the same old word, Keef. I don't often use "all of a sudden" but, just occasionally, it's nice to give it a run around to make sure it's still there. ;)
Interesting what you say about home. It sounds as though you have adapted to Oz pretty quickly (which is fairly rare amongst the poms, I believe). Good on yer, mate! Date Added: 21/03/2006
GuNs Hi there... Thats a very well written post. I've been in touch with all my friends from elementary school more or less, every day of my life. Until about a year ago, we all hung around in the evenings together. We went to different colleges but we always came back home to the old gang. And we played football !! Now, its been a year that people have finished college and moved to other cities for jobs. Some return late from office. Its so sad to see that I am a loner now. Seems everyone has just deserted me and as if I am alone in the sands of time. I agree with you that we all need friends around us all the time. Having old friends and keeping in touch with them is the best thing that can happen to you unless you limit yourself to these people. Do read my blog and I would appreciate it if you would comment on any of the posts that you may like reading. -PeAcE --WiTh ---GuNs Date Added: 21/03/2006
Gone Away And before Coventry there were Bulawayo and Harare, Mad. That's quite an impressive list. I think you've been far more nomadic than I had been at your age... Date Added: 21/03/2006
Gone Away Hi Guns. Actually, I visit the blogs of all who comment on mine - and yours is interesting and well written. Your treks sound fascinating and I'd like to read more.
As for home, it seems that your experience has been very different from mine. I cannot imagine what it must be like to have such a long-lasting community of friends around one. But now is the time, when your career begins and the world spreads out before you, that it is easy to lose touch with people. Hang on to those friends, is my advice! Date Added: 21/03/2006
keeefer Oz is ok, but its not home either. Talking of places we have resided ive managed coventry hemel hempstead bicester oxford watford Bournemouth poole east stoke Bristol and now Sydney. i think our generation are the new nomads. We have the money, we have the education and we have the means to travel and settle. We are the new age refugees. We dont know what we want or where to find it but we will carry on searching until it appears Date Added: 21/03/2006
Gone Away Another impressive list, Keef! Very tempted to get all philosophical over your last paragraph, but I won't. Suffice to say that I think you're right. Date Added: 21/03/2006
Mad Generation X nomads, that's us Keefy. ;) Date Added: 21/03/2006
keeefer I'll take any excuse to wear a teatowel on my head :) Date Added: 21/03/2006
GuNs Hi there. Back again. Just as its your tradition to visit blogs of people who comment, so is mine. [:-D] I also make it a point to reply to comments on my blog read what people reply to my comments on their blogs. Many a times, I end up making conversation on a blog comments section. In any case, you seem to be a REAL trekker. I didnt read any of your posts on trekking and its such a fine coincidence that you are one. Maybe I shall read more of your blog now. I havent written much about trekking on my blog, a lot of the posts are some social/political commentry though, see if you can indentify through any of those. -PeAcE --WiTh ---GuNs Date Added: 21/03/2006
Gone Away I find that the comments section is very good for establishing conversation and community in blogging, Guns. Engaging with readers is what it's all about, as far as I'm concerned. But politics I try to avoid - it tends to lead to too much pointless argument, I think. Social commentary is different and I suppose I do some of that. My days of trekking are over, I'm afraid - the old bones just won't take it anymore. So anything I write on that score is from memory only. ;) Date Added: 21/03/2006
Twelvebirds I haven't been much of a trekker but I have very little contact with people from my past, even those who were friends. There are one or two friends from earlier days whom I contact here and there or they contact me. We don't seem to manage to get together much, but touching base with them is a connection to the past, less complicated days when obligations didn't make it impossible to maintain close ties through the years. In a way, just to call a friend I worked with years ago, is to revisit those days and the fun we had. I guess that's the meaning of home to me, it's a place inside where I can keep all the times of life that makes me feel grounded no matter where I am. Date Added: 22/03/2006
Gone Away I think that's an accurate description of what I miss, Twelve. Just sometimes, when the mood is on me and something triggers memories from long ago... Date Added: 22/03/2006
Rachel Thanks so much for your very kind comments, here and on my blog. I'm really not a fan of conflict though I have very strong opinions on a great many things, so I'm glad to hear my writing reflects that. Date Added: 23/03/2006
Gone Away You write well, Rachel, and glad to see you're being recognized for that, too (had to run over and read your latest posts)! Date Added: 23/03/2006
Scot Clive, A lot of truth to what you say here. The Spanish have a special word--querencia-- for sense of place, and the connectedness one experiences from it. Like you, I have childhood friends who have never left the city I grew up in. They went to school there, found work, married and had children. Whenever I went for visit, I found I had even less in common with them than I did from the last time I had visited, and over time we became strangers. I still visit my home town once in a great while, but I don't look up people I used to know anymore. Once you leave a place for awhile, you can never really go back. It's a true testament to just how fluid life really is. Nothing is static or remains the same except our memories, and even those begin to falter after awhile. Scot Date Added: 24/03/2006
Gone Away All very true, Scot. We pay for our mobility in all sorts of unexpected ways. Date Added: 24/03/2006
John (Syntagma) I know what you mean, Clive. I've lived all over the world too, so I've lost touch with so many of my family and friends. But that seems to be the way of the world now. There are compensations though. Wider horizons. People who have never moved far from their birthplace always sound parochial. That would never do in a writer. ;-) Date Added: 24/03/2006
Gone Away All true, John. I wouldn't have missed out for anything on the experience of the different places I've lived and people I've known. Sometimes I wonder if I lost as well as gained, however... Date Added: 24/03/2006
Cindy Tonight I felt that same panic as I drove around this town where I have lived the last 10 years. I miss the old homeplace. I miss my mother's comforting touch and my daddy's smile. Where is my pony blackie? Can you smell horse sweat and leather from this far away? Things are the things I miss; I carry them in my heart. They are never far away. http://www.beneaththeivywreath.blogspot.com/2006/01/no-place-like-home.html Date Added: 27/03/2006
mamaeight I like your use of "All of a sudden". It gives pause and at the same denotes movement. It fits the mood of the sentence, fits with the word adrift. I, too, live in a community where everybody knows every body and every body is related to every other body. The conversation overheard in the local convenience store goes a bit like this, You know so & so, she's related to so & so who lives at such & such a place, and the reply, oh yes, I remember her, she went to school with...and married.... I love this community dearly, and the people are marvelous, but, having moved here when I was forty after living in several places in the midwest and Texas, I am quite happy to drift along the top. Your world is so much larger than Richard's, and I envy you. Date Added: 27/03/2006
Janus I get homesick now, for a home that has changed. When I was younger I was just sick of home. Date Added: 31/03/2006
Gone Away And where is home in the end, Janus? Date Added: 01/04/2006
Gary Oh my, just look what you've started here, Clive. This idea of home has pervaded my thinking ever since I came back to Minnesota after my decade of wandering with the Marines. Honestly Clive, I was happier while travelling than I have ever been while stuck here, in the land of my extended family. In those wandering days, "home" was contained in a seabag, or more precisely, in my mind. Travelling allowed me to decorate my "home/mind" with exotic experiences and new ideas acquired in places few of my hometown contemporaries would ever see. But the reason I am "stuck" in Minnesota now has to do with family and responsibility and obligation... Things that some people desparately try to flee from these days. I'm still coming to terms with it, but it feels like the right thing to do. I can't subject my family to a nomadic existence unless doing so will improve our overall circumstances. No such opportunities exist at the moment, so we stay here, at "home". Here, I try to decorate my mind by delving more deeply into local history and architecture, before it all gets plowed under to make room for the new Walmart. But now I'm ranting, and Walmart has an extensive and quite vicious counterintelligence apparatus, so I'd better shut up. Thanks for firing up long-dormant synapses, Clive. I needed that... =gc= Date Added: 02/04/2006
larissa I thank God for the interet--for email and for blogging. My friends from years back and I are all too lazy and distracted to correspond with regularity by snailmail, but we can keep each other up to date easily and frequently with email, and even share our thoughts and stories on our blogs, which (at least I) check every day. It doesn't seem like they are as far away as they are, although I do miss actual contact. Date Added: 02/04/2006
yuriy Hi, I found PlayBoy, Absolutely FREE PlayBoy. - URL removed from spammer - Or - URL removed from spammer - And FREE Best Dating Resource: - URL removed from spammer - If I find something else I'll inform you. Best Regards, Yuriy Date Added: 03/04/2006
Gone Away It all sounds good to me, Gary. Home has its compensations. ;) Date Added: 03/04/2006
Gone Away I agree completely about the internet, Larissa - an invaluable tool for keeping in touch with friends and family. And this blog would not exist without the technical expertise of my son, Mad... Date Added: 03/04/2006
keeef Im with Yuriy! Date Added: 03/04/2006
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