MadTV: The journal

A little story
08/06/2006
Here’s a little story about a friend of mine… we shall call this friend “Nad”.
Imagine, if you will, that Nad is a biker and that he passed his motorbike test, oh, a year ago or so. Now Nad bought a new bike as soon as he passed his DAS and took to the roads. Unfortunately on a wet day Nad rode beyond his, and the condition’s, limits resulting in a rather nasty accident. Nad spent a couple of weeks in hospital and then returned home with a pair of crutches to recuperate. After a couple of weeks Nad was bored and feeling loads better. He also had the money from his bike’s insurance, so he decided to get a cheap bike which, he reasoned, could later serve as a “winter hack”. We told Nad he was a fool for getting back on a bike so soon before he was even recovered and that the Doctors had forbidden such behaviour but he insisted. He bought a cute little 400cc bike from a mutual friend, taxed and insured it and was ready to ride again.
He encountered a few problems, the first of which was he still needed his crutches to walk, so he found a way to fabricate a sling to carry his crutches over his shoulder. Then he discovered that the roads were really very scary after having a bike crash, so he rode, by his own admission, “like an old granny” for quite a few weeks (I believe he’s still pretty cautious now).
For the first couple of days he just pottered around his local area, basically he went to the shops and back. Then on day three he decided to take his courage in his hands and ride twenty miles to go visit his old biking instructor. Now I should probably explain that the journey to see his instructor was pretty much the same route as his commute to work, he was very familiar with all its features. He had a pleasant ride there and then on the way back something odd happened. He was riding down a dual carriageway when he spotted a speed camera van on a bridge far ahead. He wasn’t surprised to see it there as it was often there during his rides to and from work. He checked his speed and it was under the limit so he rode under the bridge and into the cameras view. He maintained a steady speed, much as he would have done if the van hadn’t been there (remember the fear and caution thing I mentioned earlier?).
Imagine then his surprise when a few weeks later he received a NIP (Notice of Intended Prosecution) accusing him of doing 81mph in a 70mph zone. The penalty for this offence is 3 points on the transgressors license and a £60 fine.
Nad knew this wasn’t right - he hadn’t been speeding. He’d recently read about speed cameras (and particularly the mobile type used in vans) being inaccurate when used on motorbikes and that they’d never even been type tested against bikes by the Home Office. Plus he also had to consider his license, as a new rider if he gets six points they take his license off him and he has to do the whole test thing again. So if he accepted three points when he hadn’t been in the wrong and then messed up and got pinged again by a camera then, that was it, he would be a pedestrian again. Being the laid back kind of guy he is if the points didn’t threaten his license he would have just paid and been done with it, likewise if he’d actually been speeding he’d have felt he had to take it on the chin and accept the fine and the points.
Taking it all the facts into consideration he decided he had to fight the NIP. He reasoned that the camera evidence would show the crutches strapped to his back and help prove his tentative state of mind on the roads. He had various press articles questioning mobile camera’s efficiency when used on bikes and a firm conviction he was in the right.
Rather than fill out the form enclosed with the NIP that more or less said “It’s a fair cop guv’, do to me as you will” he wrote a long explanatory letter to the Speed Camera Enforcement unit explain that it was him on the bike but that he hadn’t been speeding, he’d just got out of hospital and was probably the least likely person to be speeding that day, he saw that camera van every week and had been aware of it for nearly a thousand yards before he was inside its view so he’d have to be pretty damn stupid to be speeding anyway and that he suspected the camera had misread his speed. He also asked to see the video evidence that the camera had taken and the camera’s certificate of calibration for the period in question.
A while later he received a reply from the unit in question that basically said “Yeah, yeah, whatever, pay the fine and take the points or we’ll do, ooh, terrible things to you.” Nad filed the reply in the round filing cabinet and left it at that.
Months passed and nothing happened. Nad began to hope that maybe they’d decided to leave it but sadly he was wrong. Just before Christmas he got another letter saying “Oi, you! Send us the ‘It was me, do to me as you will’ form.” Nad, heart heavy, decided that there was nothing to do but fill in the form and send it off. He did so… time passed and he received a letter offering a standard 3 points and £60 fine and that he had thirty days to accept the offer. If he didn’t accept the offer then the issue would go to court where they would do, ooh, terrible things to him. Nad, still wishing to fight injustice left it 25 days and sent back a letter again stating his innocence and asking to see the evidence held against him.
The next missive from the police was a brusque note stating he was beyond the 30 days allowed and that his case was going to the courts with all of the letters he’d sent attached as evidence and may he rot in hell for daring to question the speed camera system.
Nad was a little concerned by this turn of events and he began worrying about whether to represent himself or if he had enough money to pay for representation. He wanted to fight the thing because he knew he hadn’t been speeding but he was more than a little worried about having to stand up in court and defend himself. He couldn’t help feeling that the courts are weighted heavily against the little guy and he was about to take an absolute kicking.
Time passed… and then more time passed; then even more time passed. Nad began to dare to hope that somehow it had all blown over. Then some more time passed. Finally Nad read on a forum that the police have a limit of 6 months to prosecute speeding cases. He worked it out in his head and realised that the last police letter had been sent after the end of the six month period. So maybe, just maybe he was in the clear...

Nad says the thing he’s learnt from the experience is that bikes should go past cameras even slower than cars do. Oh and he now f*cking hates speed cameras.

Mad

Gary
Mad,

You MUST fight this! I don't know how English courts work, but here in the US, I ALWAYS fight my tickets, right or wrong. This is because there is a chance the arresting officer won't show up in court, and the case will be thrown out, or if you threaten to take it all the way to a hearing, the prosecutor will almost always allow you to plea to some lesser offence. If you were in the wrong, you take that offer. If you were in the right, go all the way with it.

The point is, yes, government everywhere seems to be getting very good at intimidation and oppression. The only way to stop them is if Every Citizen Resists.

Gather all the documentary evidence you can find about the fallibility of speed cameras against motorcycles, and bring that with you to court. Make them prove their case.

Ride well,
=gc=
Date Added: 08/06/2006

Mad
Me Gary? But it happened to "Nad"...The fight's over Gary, it fell through a time loophole because it was fought every step of the way. :D
Date Added: 08/06/2006

Keeef
One small step (or hobble) for the bike riding world
Date Added: 09/06/2006

Mad
Keefy :D
Date Added: 09/06/2006

keeef
get on your bike tomorrow afternoon, there wont be a soul on the roads




Come on Inglund
Date Added: 09/06/2006

keeef
Damn your HTML paragraphing

Date Added: 09/06/2006

Gone Away
Well, well, it seems we both decided to tackle a long one this week. Nad's tale is a shocker, a veritable saga of David and Goliath. And who do we support? Why, the little guy, of course. Looks to me as though the evil camera guys knew they didn't stand a chance in court and quietly let the thing die. Which is what should happen to all speed cameras - I detest the things.
Date Added: 09/06/2006

Mad
Sadly the evil camera guys go to any lengths to ensure victory in the courts Dad. There was a case recently of the camera partnership bringing in the director of the company that makes the cameras as an expert witness. Unsuprisingly the poor defendant didn't have the means to produce his own expert witness and therefore he lost the case and had to pay for the prosecution flying in their expert witness. Leaving aside the fact that the witness was biased as he earns a living from the very cameras the case was about it's still unfair that the prosecution could use tax payers money to bully a little guy defending himself. Nad got lucky, if he'd gone to court the consequences may well have been severe... but he does persist in hoping that justice can be done In thought you were a techy now Keef? You should know all things puter inc. HTML :D
Date Added: 09/06/2006

Boogie
Your fairy stories are rubbish, except for the mystery element *Wonders who Ned is*.
Date Added: 09/06/2006

Mad
Fairy story? It's a modern allegory Boogs ;) Oh and it's "Nad" not "Ned"
Date Added: 10/06/2006

irondad
Has anyone every read Farenheight 451? ( sorry if I spelled the "F" word wrong! ). Rue the day machines replace humans. This is just a start. The world is getting more impersonal all the time. We will all suffer more. "mad", "nad", you didn't stray far for disguise, did you?


Date Added: 11/06/2006

Mad
I've never read Farenheit 451 Irondad which is remiss of me. It's been on my "to read" list for ages.I loathe speed cameras with a passion (as does Nad) and I think I'd much rather hear the inventive sarcasm of a traffic cop anyday, stuff like: "Late for a meeting are you Mr Rossi?"
Date Added: 12/06/2006

vanessa
ohmygosh. I feel so sorry for nad. I mean, I could barely get through the entire story - I just kept thinking "what kind of parent would name their kid gonad (nad is the obvious short form)?? Poor kid.

:P
Date Added: 18/06/2006

Mad
Ah Vanessa you are as astute as ever. Nad is indeed his nickname and his full name is Gonad, boy he had a rough time at school! :p
Date Added: 19/06/2006

keeef
It all sounds a little hairy if you ask me
Date Added: 20/06/2006

Mad
Only you would have the balls to make a comment like that here Keef ;)
Date Added: 20/06/2006

Steve Williams
You're a rebel Nad, I mean Mad.... Good show!

steve
Date Added: 21/06/2006

Keeef
I think i saw nad earlier, hanging around with his brother.







did i go to far?
Date Added: 21/06/2006

keeef
http://www.giantitp.com/cgi-bin/GiantITP/ootscript?SK=325

check that out
Date Added: 21/06/2006

Mad
I am a rebel Steve but Nad's a law abiding fellow. ;) I heard he got the sack Keef...
And that cartoon is so the BBLF! lmao
Date Added: 21/06/2006

Keeef
Talking of speed cameras

While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (10 miles over
the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with
a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.

The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that
classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked,
"What's your hurry?" To which she replied, "I'm late for work."
"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.

The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what
does a rectum stretcher do?" "Well," she said, "I start by inserting one
finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four,
then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can
get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's
about 6 feet wide."

"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot a*sho*e?" he
asked.

"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."

Date Added: 22/06/2006

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