MadTV: The journal

Assassination attempts
Tuesday night on the way home they were trying to kill me.

On the Longbridge roundabout (a large multi-lane junction on my commute) I was in the empty left hand lane when the right hand lane, which was full, ground to a halt. This prompted two car drivers, at the same moment, to change into my lane. Obviously they didn't need to actually look or even indicate before manoeuvring. So I found myself with the car beside me moving into me AND a car ahead moving to block me. The space between the two was, fortunately, about the length of a car. I got the Bandit into the space with inches to spare from the idiot behind me. As attempts on my life go that was a pretty good one, nearly got me there you waggish car jokers!

Then when I was nearly home on the Holyhead Road (a main road that runs very near to my house) I came up to a set of lights that were red. The central lane was the lane I wanted and it had a line of traffic on it. The right hand lane had none, so I used it to filter down to the front of the central line. When I got to the front I found that the lead car had left loads of room before the white line, so I half rolled in front of him as a declaration of intent that I wanted the central lane not the right hand one. The lights change and I pulled off at a normal (for a bike) speed. Imagine my surprise when the guy behind me took off like a scalded cat, veered into the right hand lane, accelerated as hard as he could to get ahead of me (by now I was watching him with bemusement) and then veered back into my lane ahead of me. I was actually laughing in my helmet it was such a display of childish petulance. What made it even funnier for me was that the traffic began to clog up and I could almost sense the guys panic that the traffic was about to stop and he would have a potentially angry biker right behind him. He was driving maybe three inches from the car in front of him such was his need to keep moving. The episode didn't faze me at all but if the traffic had stopped moving I might have tapped on his window merely to inform him that filtering is perfectly legal and that if he has a problem with bikes getting ahead of him then best he learns to ride.


Gone Away
Well, if you bikers wouldn't insist on going invisible at times...
But the Holyhead Road traffic lights are a recognised Grand Prix zone - anyone who uses the right hand lane to get ahead deserves all they get! :D
Date Added: 16/02/2006

Andy Stud Simpson(aka,Simbo)
The trouble is car drivers don't have the ability to look, think and drive at the same time. Well how would they, they have so much to do behind the wheel as it is; what with holding that mobile phone (very small and fiddly), lighting cigarettes and tuning in radios. How on earth are they supposed to find time to observe the actions and road position of others using the queens highway? I'm afraid there are a lot of drivers on the road today that are only good at flipping pancakes...
Date Added: 16/02/2006

Yeah Dad, that dratted bike cloaking device!

Hey thanks for commenting Andy. This is my mate Simbo folks, as you might be able to tell he's a biker too... Oh and he's quite right about cagers. :p
Date Added: 16/02/2006

Only good at flipping pancakes? Here these people flip burgers and say "do you want fries with that?" Actually what happens is that they do some incredibly stupid thing. Then they don't want to take responsibility for it. So they "flip" us something else, if you know what I mean. Like that fools anybody. I guess they think the middle finger is a cloaking device for stupid.

Date Added: 17/02/2006

Damn, I miss those hilarious little asides on the journey to work and back every day.

I particularly miss the regulars you get to know from their predicable unpredictable behaviour. If you know what I mean. You see a car, you recognise it and you know at any moment it's about to do something. You just don't know what it's going to be today!

God bless 'em the myopic, inattentive, cranially challenged lot of them.
Date Added: 17/02/2006

Yeah Sparx, bless their pointed little heads; they do entertain us so :p
Irondad I think when he's talking about pancake flippers he's refereing to pancake tossing and by inference poor drivers are tossers...
Date Added: 17/02/2006

Gone Away
As promised, I've written a little something about all this, Mad - you can read it here. Thanks for the idea! :)
Date Added: 17/02/2006

That's kewl Dad, nice to know I help out now and again!
Date Added: 17/02/2006

Glad to see you survived Traffic, I personally drive large cars and vans because I have been rear ended by too many people on the phone or smoking cigarettes...well that and a guy needs his cargo space.

Just got rear ended a few days ago when I was at a complete stop, its not that I am worried about my driving, its me worrying about everyone elses driving =)
Date Added: 13/03/2006

Ah well, you see Janus if you're in a large box with four wheels you are the ENEMY! Just kidding. Everytime I pull up at a junction I'm watching my mirrors to see if the guy behind me slows down. I don't want to get rear ended by anything bigger than a bicycle. Thanks for dropping in on my humbble little blog. :D
Date Added: 13/03/2006

Oh my !!!

That must have been a not-so-funny incident followed right by a oh-so-funny one. LOL, Are you sure it wasnt Calivin (from Calvin & Hobbes fame), the 6 year old monster driving that car???

Theres a sure chance it could be him !!

Our company made some software for the London traffic congestion, I think. I dont think thats helping too much !!

Oh btw, I did read on your dad's blog about his exploits and I must say I am impressed. We did have a brief conversation in the comments section on his blog and mine. Do check out my blog when you get any time.

Do you watch any cricket? You guys beat us today [:-(]

Date Added: 22/03/2006

Hey Guns, thanks for dropping by. The car was indeed driven like it was Calvin behind the wheel. I shall have a look at your blog never fear.
Date Added: 22/03/2006

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