MadTV: The journal

Letter from India VI
"Well what an eventful few days it’s been.
Saara has been looking at yet more shoes and if she buys all the pairs
she likes then I think we will need to hire a sherpa.
We abandoned our plans for Pampolim after I succumbed to food
poisoning; thankfully it was only extremely painful stomach cramps and
not explosive D&V.

I was absolutely distraught that id been poisoned, not because of the
inconvenience but because that day I had finally succumbed to
temptation and eaten a 1kg lobster dripping in masala
god he was worth every excruciating, agonising minute, and I was
determined that the little bugger was going to be digested and not
just regurgitated for the toilet god.

That does bring me nicely onto food though, a subject that we really
have neglected so far.
Almost every restaurant sells an eclectic mix of Indian, European &
Chinese food. So it is possible to have dim sum followed by pie and
chips with a side order of popadoms followed by ice cream, which
appears to be a universal desert. I think ice cream should be the only
food served at UN meetings as it is evidently a substance that crosses
international borders with ease and every nation has its own unique
way of serving it, In Goa they call it nutty one, and serve vanilla
ice cream with nuts (bet you didn’t see that coming) and a local spirit
brewed from cashew nuts in a shed in the jungle (I’m not joking we saw
the distillery, I expected some American deep south bloke called bubba
to hijack the car and request we start squealing like pigs).
During the first week we stuck fastidiously to the Indian food feeling
that this was only proper. The delicate blend of spices here is far
superior to the muck they serve us in the UK even if it doesn’t look as
appetising. When we got to Goa however that all changed and we began
to intersperse our diet with a bit of western food. We didn’t feel bad
about this as, I’m sure you are all aware, too much curry burns twice
and we had a lot of sitting down to do.
We have eaten everything from some bizarre spicy potato in a bun that
poor people eat and is bloody gorgeous, to Lobster Masala that tastes
heavenly and does its best to despatch you there.
It is our 6 month wedding anniversary tomorrow and we are booking into
the Swedish/Italian restaurant for a fondue feast to help celebrate,
our new rings arrive tomorrow also so it will be a good present to
ourselves (and no the new rings have nothing to do with the curry).

We had been really lucky, up until the last few days, regarding
mosquitoes. But 2 days ago I awoke with about 10-15 mozzie bites, they
itched like hell and were, oddly enough, all around my
was like waking to find Dracula had a foot fetish, they are quite
painful but are slowly disappearing under a barrage of antiseptic,
iodine and electrical mozzie neutralisers (yes I am electrocuting my

Yesterday was spent on Arundle beach, home of white sand, clear seas
and crusty hippies. The latter were very irritating as they insisted
on doing all the stereotypical things crusty’s do (i.e. they all
believe they are circus performers and stroll around waving ribbons or
forming human pyramids in the sea whilst juggling 3 live crabs to the
crazed beat of a drugged up drummer with all the rhythm of a fly
hitting the car windscreen).
Apart from the crusty’s it really is idyllic.

We are off to a market tonight, so no doubt Saara will acquire some
more footwear (just in case we attend a movie premier, have to trek
the Himalayas or tight rope walk across a ravine).

Oh well love to you all



Gone Away
Darn, he beat me to the "ring" joke. But crusty hippies? I don't recall being on that beach...
Date Added: 11/01/2005

Hey, we s'posed to be offended, Gone?
Date Added: 12/01/2005

somehow, and with the best will in the world you understand, i believe your human pyramid days are behind you both....and if not then i dont think its somthing that should be shared here :)They have whole communities for that kind of thing....or so im led to believe.
Date Added: 19/01/2005

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haha I just remembered something after reading your letter since I also ate giant lobster alone haha and my jaws was numb after eating it but I don't have masala sauce. I just meka my own sauce.
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