MadTV: The journal

Letter from India V
Well what an eventful 48 hrs we've had.
Yesterday (as revealed in our last update) we hired a cab for the day
(at the extortionate rate of 15gbp) and headed off to the Waterfalls
they call 'mothers milk'. I think Freud would have something to say to
the man who first stumbled across this spectacular and vast cliff
face, streaming with gallons upon gallons of water whisked into a
frothy white as they tumble endlessly into the beautiful lagoon, and
said 'looks like me mums tit lactating that does'.
Still these things happen.

The journey there was uneventful; we killed no one and didn’t hit anybody.
We arrived at the town where we had to take a 4x4 vehicle to the falls
a further 10km away. Now the day before people had paid 150 rupees
(Rs) for this return trip, and so, naively, we thought we would pay
the same.


That day the elderly tout running the whole operation had decided we
would be paying 300Rs. As you can Imagine Saara was non to pleased and
ripped into the native with a tirade that, if he had fully understood
it, would have had him claiming he was fully aware of his lineage and
that he was definitely not begat by a female canine who had could not
remember meeting the dog.
His response was in fact along the lines of 'you can always take the 2
hr trip home'.
At this point I bit my tongue (very wise as the words I was about to
utter were 'I can see why Pakistan fires missiles at you'). Anyway
after much grumbling we paid the extortionate fee and went to the

They truly weren’t worth it; pretty as they were the 3hr journey (in
total) to get there was not worth it.
They are pretty but we have both seen better for free in Oz.
whilst there you can feed wild monkeys with bananas, sold by locals at
outrageous prices (surprise, surprise). We declined, thinking its
better to be cautious than get bitten by a wild monkey (we've both
seen 'outbreak'), I was hoping to see a tourist savaged but sadly they
were docile creatures, and the monkeys didn’t deem them worthy of even
a scratch.

I was struck, however, by the thought that this little group of
monkeys are fed all day long and wondered how long it would be before
the little monkeys are so fat that McDonalds opens a branch at the
falls to offer them so low fat, low sugar salad to go with their
bucket of banana thick shake.

Leaving the falls we headed for the tomb of St Francis.
We were lucky (apparently) as every 10 years they take said dead
priest out of his coffin and put him in a glass display case so you
can marvel at his decaying remains.
We had a quick peek and Saara regaled me with the story of the devout
catholic lady who, several decades ago, bit off the Saints mummified
toe and carried it back to Rome in her mouth... Fidelma if you ever
visit Goa I expect nothing less.
We left the cathedral and outside were the usual touts etc selling
'official' photos of the mummified man. Bizarrely they were doing a
brisk trade from a (I have no idea what the collective noun is so i
shall call them an 'abstinate') large abstinate of nuns. They were
swarming all over this poor tout (truly even after all the horror
stories I felt sorry for this guy), I can only say it was like
watching teenage girls at a Robbie Williams concert, thankfully they
didnt hurl their knickers at the dead priest (as far as i am aware)
but it would have sure livened up the solemn procession.

Today we lazed on coco beach, took a boat and watched the dolphin’s
frolicking in the sea. It’s been very relaxing. We did see Goa’s prison,
an old building and part of the old fort Aguada (over300 years old)
We thought it was deserted until the prisoners started waving at us,
one held up a sign but I couldn’t read it (probably something akin to
'sod off tourists you are spoiling the view').
On the way back to shore we passed the palace of a Mumbai diamond
merchant it was incredible and reminded us both of Porth Merrion. We
have photos and will send them next time we are in Baga (probably 3
days time).
Tomorrow we head to a place called Pamolin (I think) a quiet beach on
the southern tip of Goa, and on Friday we head to the most northerly
point to another beach whose name escapes me (too many kingfishers for

Just before I sign off for the day I have seen 2 signs recently that i
would like to share. The first is a sobering one that requests help in
protecting Goa’s children from Paedophiles, just the other day a
newspaper reported the arrest of a German man for raping a 14 yr old
Goanese girl in his hotel room. It’s a horrible thing that hangs over the
place and when you become aware of it you start viewing single men
holidaying here in a very different light.

The other is also quite sobering it simply read

"Do not let your Minor children drive your car"

Well I’m glad they see the sense in that!

Anyway its time to sign off for today, so take care of each other.

Keith & Saara


Gone Away
There's no doubt about it, India is weird. Almost as weird as life...
Date Added: 31/12/2004

I had to search out Goa's location to be sure K missed the tsunami. Whew.
Date Added: 03/01/2005

Yeah I was worried about the old rascal but I'm glad to report that he's fine and is now in Thailand; the nutter.
Date Added: 03/01/2005

Ah, and the young rascal lives also. And here I had you pegged as hopping on your bike and maddly headed for bold adventures.
Date Added: 03/01/2005

Ok lets test my new gizmo out...
Date Added: 08/01/2005

Don't mind me guys I'm just trying out some new innovations.
Date Added: 08/01/2005

More gizmo testing. Stand well clear please there may be a loud bang
Date Added: 08/01/2005

Ok final test *lights the blue touch paper and sticks his fingers in his ears*
Date Added: 08/01/2005

Which may explain the mysterious disappearance of you blog for a day, eh?
Date Added: 08/01/2005

Yeah I've been implementing more security measures around here Mr Way due to an attack by a most unpleasant spammer. My blog was down for a while just to stop him spamming.
Date Added: 08/01/2005

Jeez, you are only upto Goa huh.....Thankfully we did miss the Tsunami (though it did hit the beach in Goa that we stayed at destroying some beach huts and generally washing the litter out to casualties)and are currently lying on the beach at a tiny island called Koh Mak.

Thanks for your concern guys, hopefully we will arrive safe and well in Oz where we will promptly be killed by spiders and snakes or stung to death by jellyfish.

and a big YAH BOO SUCKS to the spammer
Date Added: 10/01/2005

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